For many leaders, it happens without warning.
A high-performing team member hands in their resignation. No prior complaints. No visible conflict. No obvious dissatisfaction. Just a polite explanation about “a new opportunity” and a quiet exit that leaves the leader stunned.
“How did I not see this coming?”
The uncomfortable answer is this:
You probably did, at least on some subconscious level, but didn’t act on it.
Disengagement rarely announces itself
Team members rarely sit their manager down and say, “I’m slowly disengaging.” More often, disengagement is subtle, incremental, and silent.
It shows up as:
A slight withdrawal in meetings
Less energy in discussions they once cared about
Reduced initiative or curiosity
A shift from ownership to compliance
Individually, these signals are easy to dismiss. People have off weeks. Workloads fluctuate. Leaders rationalise what they see and move on, especially when they are busy, under pressure, or stretched thin.
Disengagement is not an event, it is a process
And the earlier it is noticed, the more options a leader has.
The Cost of “It Will Sort Itself Out”
One of the most common leadership traps is deferral. Not because leaders don’t care but because they assume time will fix what attention would resolve.
Common internal narratives sound like:
“They’re probably just tired.”
“I don’t want to make a big deal out of nothing.”
“If there was a problem, they would tell me.”
“I’ll check in once things calm down.”
These assumptions are comforting and costly.
When leaders don’t initiate conversations, silence fills the gap. Team members draw their own conclusions: It’s not safe to speak up here. Or worse: It doesn’t matter.
By the time performance drops or disengagement becomes obvious, the internal decision to leave has often already been made.
Why team members don’t tell you
It’s tempting to blame a lack of transparency, but most team members don’t withhold information out of malice. They do it because of perceived risk.
They may believe:
Raising concerns will label them as “difficult”
Nothing will change anyway
The leader is too busy
Honesty could backfire
The more hierarchical, rushed, or conflict-avoidant the environment, the less likely people are to speak candidly. Silence becomes self-protection.
And silence, over time, turns into disengagement.
The Missed Moment: Intuition Ignored
Many experienced leaders will admit, often in hindsight, that they had a feeling. A subtle sense that something was off. A change in tone. A drop in spark.
Intuition is not mystical. It is pattern recognition informed by experience. When leaders ignore these signals, it’s rarely because they don’t sense them but because acting on them feels inconvenient, uncomfortable, or ambiguous. Yet following up on an intuitive hunch doesn’t require accusation or drama. It requires presence and curiosity.
As described in the BEING book by Ashkan Tashvir, Presence is one of the primary aspects of being of the Being Framework™. In his distinction, Presence is not about intensity or performance; it is about the quality of attention. It is the capacity to relate to people and situations with deliberate focus, free from distraction or agenda. When a leader is present, attention is undivided and care is tangible. Presence creates genuine relatedness in which people feel truly seen, heard, and understood.
Where presence is established, psychological distance dissolves. Assumptions give way to understanding, defensiveness softens, and mutual clarity becomes possible. In this state, conversations are not transactional but connective, allowing meaning to emerge rather than be forced. Presence does not require confrontation or drama, only the willingness to stay with what is unfolding and to inquire with openness and curiosity.
A simple, honest conversation can change the entire trajectory.
Conversations Don’t Create Problems, Avoidance Does
There is a persistent fear among leaders that raising concerns will “make things worse.” Avoidance is what allows small issues to become irreversible ones.
An open conversation that begins with care might sound like:
“I’ve noticed a shift in your energy lately, and I want to check in. How are things really going for you?”
If nothing is wrong, no harm is done. Trust is strengthened. The relationship deepens.
If something is wrong, you’ve just created the space for it to be named before it becomes a resignation letter.
Honest conversations don’t create exits. They create options.
What Could Have Been Done Differently?
Preventing surprise resignations isn’t about control or retention at all costs. It’s about leadership maturity.
Key practices include:
Act Early
Don’t wait for performance issues. Behavioural shifts are the first signal.Trust Your Awareness
If something feels off, explore it. Awareness without action is a missed opportunity.Normalise Regular Check-Ins
Conversations shouldn’t only happen when something is wrong. Make them routine.Lead with Authentic Care
Care is not indulgence. It is attention, honesty, and presence.Stop Deferring the Uncomfortable
Issues rarely disappear on their own. They compound quietly.
When Leaving Is Still the Right Outcome
Even with the best leadership, some people will leave and that is not a failure.
People evolve. Priorities shift. New challenges call. When open dialogue is present, these transitions don’t have to be abrupt or adversarial.
Handled with integrity, a departure can become:
A respectful handover
A preserved relationship
A moment of mutual goodwill
The difference is this: when conversations happen early, leaving is a choice discussed openly, not a surprise delivered quietly.
The Real Truth Bomb
The hardest truth for leaders is not that people leave. It’s that silence usually precedes departure, and leaders have more influence over that silence than they realise. By fostering an environment where regular, honest conversations are the norm, team members no longer need to disengage in secret. They don’t need to disappear emotionally before they leave physically. And often, they don’t need to leave at all. Handled with integrity, departures can become moments of mutual goodwill, preserved relationships, and respectful handovers. By the time someone leaves, silence has already spoken.